IBM POLLYANNA PRINCIPLE
Machines should work; people should think.

LAW OF THE PERVERSITY OF NATURE:
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Klipstein's Corollary:
The most delicate component will be the one you drop.

Jenning's corollary:
The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

SPRINKLE'S LAW:
Things always fall at right angles.

ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
Corollary: 
On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes. 

THE SPARE PARTS PRINCIPLE:
The accessibility, during the recovery of small parts which fall from the workbench, varies directly with the size of the part- and inversely with it's importance to the completion of the project.

PAUL'S LAW:
You can't fall off of the floor.

JOHNSON'S FIRST LAW:
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.

LAW OF ANNOYANCE:
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you are certain you are finished with, you will need it instantly.

WATSON'S LAW:
The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.

WYSZKOWSKI'S SECOND LAW:
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

SATTINGER'S LAW:
It works better if you plug it in.

LOWERY'S LAW:
If it jams- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

SCHMIDT'S LAW:
If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.

FUDD'S FIRST LAW OF OPPOSITION:
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.

ANTHONY'S LAW OF FORCE:
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.

HORNER'S FIVE-THUMB POSTULATE:
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

CAHN'S AXIOM:
When all else fails, read the instructions.

THE PRINCIPLE CONCERNING MULTIFUNCTIONAL DEVICES:
The fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more perfectly it can perform those functions.

COOPER'S LAW:
All machines are amplifiers.

JENKINSON'S LAW:
It won't work.